Something Tasty

A Recipe for Some Small, Spicy, Meaty Things

This is definitely not a food blog so it seems a bit daft to begin with a recipe.  I was just taking so long to decide how to start that I thought I’d just sit down and do something.

Of course you’d think it would be safe ground but, at present, Twitter is rocking with talk of culinary cultural appropriation and this is a fine example. The recipe has been roughed up no end over the years, never mind being tainted by my East Yorkshire roots.  However, it’s one of the most popular things I cook and I’ve served it up to people of all classes, ages, colours, cultures and sexual orientations in my time so yah boo sucks to you purists.

There was an eight week Indian cookery course at Tottenham Court Rd YMCA in approximately 1975.  The lavishly moustachioed gentleman who taught us claimed to have been a chef for a Maharajah and told impressive tales of the palace.

The first recipe in week one was for Chicken Madras.  Gorgeous!  The recipe in week two was Beef Madras.  Lovely.  The recipe in week three was for Prawn Madras and, of course, four was Vegetable Madras.  We begged for birianis and tandoori but when we eventually did make other dishes, the ingredients were just the same.

However, every week, my friend and I triumphantly cradled our pans of curry all the way home to Stamford Hill on the bus.  I used that spice formula frequently after that although, having lost my notes immediately, I doubt it bears any resemblance now to the original.  I still say that this was taught to me by the Maharajah’s chef.

Unfortunately, my husband, always keen on gross language, called these little meaty sausages  turds and turds they have always been since.

‘Great, turds for tea,’ the kids would shout.

They were very popular amongst our pals and I always made them for parties and barbecues.  One belligerent friend arrived at some event of ours and demanded,

‘Where are the turds?’  When I admitted I hadn’t made any he turned on his heel and left saying, ‘I bloody hate parties, I only come for the turds.’

This recipe is rough.  They should really be lamb but I sometimes use beef.  It’s beef in the pictures.  Over time I’ve dispensed with a few niceties in order to make huge quantities of these for some occasions.  If you’re just doing a few you could make them more moist with some minced onion or more luxurious with chopped coriander leaves.  Dip them in minty yoghurt and/or mango chutney. 

It’s nice to know that, this very weekend, my son is cooking them for his mates at a barbecue.

Ingredients

500g minced lamb or beef
3 garlic cloves, finely chopped and squashed
4 teaspoons ground cumin
4 teaspoons ground coriander
2 teaspoons garam masala
1 teaspoon turmeric
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon chilli powder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
good 1/2 teaspoon salt
(1/4 minced onion and some chopped coriander optional)

Action
1. Mix everything together in a bowl.  Knead it and squeeze it until it's all really merged.

2. Mould into small sausage shapes.  To keep with the turd theme I'd say small to medium terrier.

3. Grill for 10 minutes, turning once until they are starting to shrink.

4. Serve hot or cold.